The milni is the formal meeting of the two families on the wedding day. Relatives of the same standing on each side, often starting with the two fathers, greet each other, embrace and exchange garlands or gifts. It joins the two families in front of everyone, and it is often the first time some relatives meet.
Say it "MIL-nee". The word comes from the Punjabi for "meeting".
Which traditions use it
The milni belongs mainly to Sikh and Punjabi Hindu weddings. It is a common custom rather than a fixed rite, and families run it in their own way.
- At a Sikh wedding, the BBC's guide to the anand karaj explains that the ceremony "starts with a meeting of the two sides called Milni", at which shabads (hymns from the Guru Granth Sahib) are sung. An Ardaas is often said, though the guide notes this is not prescribed. The two sides greet each other with "Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh".
- The Apna Virsa heritage project describes all the elders of both families meeting and embracing at the gurdwara, followed by breakfast.
- Punjabi Hindu families often hold a milni when the baraat arrives, before the ceremony at the mandap.
When it happens
On the wedding day, when the groom's party arrives. At Sikh weddings this is in the morning, because most anand karaj ceremonies take place before midday. At Hindu weddings it follows the baraat, before the ceremony begins. Either way it sets the tone for the day, so keep it unhurried.
Vendors involved
The milni is short, but it needs planning. A photographer who knows the order of pairs will catch every embrace. Garlands come from a florist. Many families serve tea and breakfast straight after, so the caterer or the gurdwara kitchen needs to know the timing. Use our questions to ask your photographer and questions to ask your caterer sheets, and browse by city from locations.
Common spellings
Milni and milani are both used. Some invitations say "milni ceremony" or "family meeting".
Planning tip. Write the milni order down: which pairs, in what order, and who holds the garlands. Give a copy to both families and to your photographer, so nobody is missed.
Questions
Usually pairs of male relatives with the same relationship to the couple, such as the fathers, then uncles and brothers. Some families now include mothers and other women too. Agree the list and order beforehand.
It varies by family. Garlands are common, and some families exchange cash, blankets or other gifts. Agree the approach between the families so no one is caught out.
It comes before it. At a Sikh wedding, shabads are sung and an Ardaas is often said at the milni, but the marriage itself is the anand karaj that follows.
Related terms: anand karaj · baraat · jaggo · vidaai
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